What Am I Doing Here?
That was the question that filled my brain as I was taken off a flight from Amsterdam to Uganda. I am NOT kidding, some of you may not know the story, but as I was about one hour into the flight I became very ill with chest pains and some other indescribable feelings. I asked the flight attendants if there might be a doctor on board. Two became involved in the situation and then from that point I was at their mercy. After examining me they suggested to the captain that he divert to the closest airport, which happened to be Rome. In fact, at the moment they made their request we were directly over the top of Rome. 30 minutes later I had gone from 36000 feet, to an ambulance that raced with screaming sirens through the streets of Rome, being driven by what I would classify as want-to-be formula 1 race car driver on my way to the hospital. Throughout the entire experience I was asking myself, “What Am I doing here?”
Not one person on the emergency team spoke English. They were sticking me with needles, poking me everywhere. After a 10-minute ride I found myself lying on a narrow stretcher in a hospital corridor outside the emergency ward of a hospital in Rome. The question only became more profound, “What am I doing here?”
I lay there watching those ahead of me go into a large room and they did not return. I could not find anybody that could inform me as to what was going on. Feelings of loneliness and helplessness began to settle in. I cried out to the Lord, I presented my request before Him. And he led me right into Psalm 23.
Almost every word of that Psalm took on a very personal meaning to me over the next 24 hours.
Here a few examples:
Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my Sheppard; I shall not want.
Everything I thought I wanted in life was narrowed down to a small list:
- That God would be glorified through this ordeal.
- That Alina to be at peace. (I had called her from the ambulance; I knew that she was suffering not knowing what was going on)
- For my family and Friends that do not know Jesus to be saved.
At this point, two hours had passed and I was still lying on the narrow stretcher in the hospital hallway. I knew that it would soon be my turn to enter the room of no return, but at this point was very uncomfortable and extremely thirsty; whatever happened to me physically had left me very dry.
So now verse 2 & 3 came to light:
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me by still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name sake.
This reminded me that everything on earth is temporal. This earth, its worldly possessions and even my personal discomfort will not last forever. The realization that it is all designed to lead me to see my savior face to face someday was profound.
Finally, I was taken into the room of no return. I found myself in a large ward with many people all in need and distress. Some, by my observation were very near dying and others needed some form of medication for pain. The ward contained both men and women. The medical personnel started hooking me up to the EKG. Then more sticking of needles and drawing blood, then the reality of the situation set in even more and the question became even weightier. “Boy do I feel alone and helpless, and what am I doing here?”
Verse 4 was my comfort:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me; your rod and staff comfort me.
At that moment the fear around me and the fear that was swelling up in me, became very profound. Nobody spoke English, my cell phone lost connection. I cried out for God’s peace and verse 4 became my crutch and my cry to God. I needed God’s comfort.
For the next 10 hours I stayed on that narrow stretcher being tested periodically, unable to sleep or even rest. Finally a nurse came that could spoke some English with me and give me some understanding as to what was going on. I had yet to be given any water. As it turned out, if you wanted water you had to buy it. My problem is I had no Euro money and no access to get any. Finally, the doctor felt sorry for me and gave me a couple of euros so I could buy some water from the machine. (By the way this is a country with a national health care system.)
After more than 10 hours I left the hospital with some papers and a bottle of water in my hand. I asked for a taxi. When the taxi showed up I said take me to a hotel, it took some time but he figured out that I did not want the Hilton airport, but something a bit more economical. I found myself in a small room someplace in Rome, with gauze and bandages covering the needle punctures on my wrists and arms, still all alone and still asking God, “What am I doing here”. It was miserable in that room. I could not sleep; I think I started having a bit of a panic attack from all the events that had been transpiring;
Then I found verses 5 &6 to be the peace I needed to have peace and rest:
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
The next morning I made it to the airport. I Finally ended up getting a ticket back to Amsterdam. Upon arriving in Amsterdam I went to the first ticket counter I found. There were 4 open ticket agents available. As I started telling the ticket agent that my situation, she said, “This is amazing. I know all about your diversion. I handled the groundwork for that yesterday. I can’t believe you are standing here; there must be a reason.” She was so nice. She asked me every detail of the event. I walked her through the entire adventure and shared with her how Psalm 23 was my comfort. Her comment to me was, “I can see you know God; you have a remarkable peace with God.” She proceeded to exchange my ticket at no cost, even though it was a nonrefundable or exchangeable ticket. She booked me on a flight for the next morning.
I am confident that God is working on her heart. Even though it was not the appropriate time for me to go any further with the Gospel, she was greatly encouraged by my faith and wanted more.
Flight Home:
On the flight home I was sitting next to a Somalian, Muslim lady who was heading to St. Paul. For a few hours we had some discussion. In fact she was very talkative for a Muslim lady coming back from Egypt with an American Christian man reading the Bible.
About 2 hours before we landed I took our conversation from culture and other such talk into the realm of God, faith, hope and love. She quickly said she believes all good religions lead to the same God. I had never heard it quite that way before, especially from a Muslim. But gracefully I told her I disagree. I shared with her that true followers of Christ do not cling to religion, but we live by faith in Christ dying for us on the cross. We do not live by a set of rules and regulations, but by a relationship we have by accepting Jesus as our savior.
I then asked her who Jesus was to her. She replied he was a prophet and very good man. Then when I shared John 14:6 she said she did not believe the New Testament were true. I asked her how she knew that. In short she said she was taught that in school. I then asked her if her belief in her religion was based upon what others had taught her or because God had called her. I also gave her some logical evidence of the factual authority of the New Testament, but I think what seemed to impress her most was that I challenged her saying, “what if this is true, you are in big trouble, you have spent your life believing a lie following rules and regulation that only find their roots in human tradition and then at the end of your life you will only die to be lost from God forever.” My last words to her were “I would find out the truth for myself the stakes are too high”. She promised she would.
Next week I will be going for some tests to discover what happened.
Alina and I really do not know what to make of the events of this last week. But we do know that God was merciful by keeping me here in this world longer.
He answered so many of the prayers from the saints on our behalf, and I was able to learn some needed lessons on what is important. Additionally, I was able to share God’s word and the truth of who Jesus was.
So maybe I have a bit more insight into “what I am doing here.”
Please pray for the ticket Agent and the Muslim lady from St. Paul
Many Blessings to you all,
John and Alina